Time
It goes marching on whether I want it to or not.
It's been three years. THREE YEARS. How can that be?
Three years since I've seen your smile, heard your voice and felt your kiss on my cheek.
I miss you sweet boy.
All day, everyday, every hour, every minute.
It never gets easier. EVER!
I still have my dreams of you.
A dream is truly a "wish your heart makes".
I do see you.......
I've seen you in my dreams exactly eight times. And yes, I count. I wish it was more.
I pray every night that I will see you. And I pray that when I see you in
my dreams that I "remember" to go up to you and hug you tight for as long as you let me.
It's happened a couple of times and it is such a gift for me.
I'm thankful to God for those precious moments.
I pray I tell you how much you're loved when I see you in my dreams.
Did I tell you that enough when you were here. I hope so.
I don't think it could ever be enough.
I see you in you in Makenzie, Dylan and Brody.
In Makenzie's love of books.
In Dylan's love of toys, legos, Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Halloween and video games.
In Brody's love of books, his use of "big" words like you did, building, video games, the way he
approaches sports and his "long" hair.
I see you in their smiles and hugs.
Boy I miss that "smirky" smile of yours that I use to give you such a time about.
I see you in your baby sister. I actually "see" you in her eyes.
She misses you so much!
I see you in every toy you've ever loved, in every book you've ever read.
I see you every time I witness someone being kind.
You are the kindest person I know.
Since you've been gone from this earth I've tried to be more purposeful with
everyone I know. I strive to do little things to make them feel special. I celebrate
friends and family more. I endeavor to enlarge the group of people I do that for.
Sometimes I'm successful, sometimes not.
I'm super excited when someone gives me or shows me a picture of you I might not have seen.
It's almost like another moment of you.
I love when people mention your name or relate a story of you.
It's the best!
34 years is not nearly enough for a mother to have her child.
I cherish those 34 years. Every second of them.
I wish I had used my time with you more wisely.
I strive to do that now with Mike, your sisters and your nieces and nephews.
You are three years gone from your earthly life. But I know you're in heaven
which means I'm three years closer to seeing you in eternity and that's what I hold onto son.
My trust lies in Jesus.
I'm so very grateful you were saved as a child. It is the only thing that eases my broken heart.
So until then I will try to make as many memories with the rest of the family
and friends.
I will try to celebrate all the things you loved and pray that those things
will bring a smile to my face because they made you happy and not tears
because I can't physically see you enjoy them anymore.
Thank you God for allowing me 34 years to be this sweet boy's mom.
Ryan, I miss you and love you from the second you were born until I see you again
in heaven.
This is your heavenly third birthday. I miss you so very much but I will
celebrate you today as I know you must be in heaven celebrating with Jesse.
I love you my precious only son.
